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F
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or me
and I am sure for a lot of women out there, we have a picture perfect idea of
the kind of life we want to live. Most definitely, a life of love with the near
perfect husband, a wonderful job, a lovely home and beautiful children who come
as and when we decide we are ready to welcome them, a great circle of
supportive friends. Unfortunately, this is not usually the case as we obviously
come to realise somewhere down the line. I am married to this wonderful man, I
have a great job and two beautiful and boisterous children and did I mention a
home complete with the proverbial white-picket fence. But on some really
obscure level I still feel a teeny-weeny bit unfulfilled. I feel like I am in
some sort of rut. Maybe it’s the famous (or infamous) mid-life crisis, (but I’m
just 30?!). Maybe I am just lacking the necessary challenges, motivations which
are sure to provide that constant adrenaline rush. Maybe and maybe and even
more maybes.
I know a whole lot of people who would give
their right arms and even an additional leg just to be in my shoes. Friends,
family and even foes congratulate me at every opportunity and tell me how lucky
I am to be so blessed and fortunate to have all that I do at this point in my
life.
A major
thorn in my neck is that I cannot seem to find the most appropriate person to
talk to. It has become like the proverbial saying expressed in my native
language as ‘eni to ni ori, o ni fila’ which loosely
translates to mean a person does not always appreciate what he has as against
someone else who doesn’t have as much. Any one I try to confide in just has
this expression of ‘oh, what an ingrate’ or ‘is she for real?’
You know
it got so bad that I began rummaging through my husband’s medical journals,
searching for the medical condition I seem to be suffering from but it appears
to be non-existent unless and except I am the first person to be so afflicted,
I’ve spoken to my pastor too, he just seems to think I should pray more and
praise even more…
Don’t
get me wrong, I actually feel very loved by God and enamoured of the mercies
which he has chosen to bestow on little-known me. And beyond all this is the
over-whelming realization that I am blessed beyond reason and above all my
expectations. I am at the best period in my life and I must and should be
thankful for that.
I have
decided to make the choice that my being on this earth should be for the
benefit of others too. There are so many people hurting out there and I feel I
can reach out to help, improve their situations and the challenge of doing this
might just be all I need.
I have
come to realise that, possibly, the one way I can quench this seemingly
unreasonable longing for constant stimulation is to reach out and touch the
lives of those around me who are a little less fortunate or privileged. Come to
think of it, my being on earth should not just be for me, myself and I, but for
the benefit of others and spending time, money and effort with those kids in
the orphanage in my neighbourhood or those health-challenged folks in the
hospital down the road, orphaned and vulnerable children who are still
discriminated against even in educated circles, learning about their lives,
loves, challenges, happiness, sadness and looking for a means to make a
difference positively could be even more therapeutic. This might just be the propellent
for my own fulfilment in life and I can touch lives and make a difference along
the way.
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